Developing The Power to Handle Difficult People II

Willpower to Change

It is now obvious that the willpower to deal with difficult people becomes realistic only if you have the willpower to change. Yes, the first person to change is YOU before any difficult person can be dealt with. If you cannot or will not change, it only means you are also a difficult person, and as the old adage goes, the blind cannot lead the blind. They will both fall into a pit. And if you settle for being a difficult person, though mildly at that (mildly or otherwise, a difficult person is still difficult), think of the people who will suffer because of you, among them your family.

And it’s unthinkable that a difficult person can help another difficult person. They won’t be able to stand each other, remember? And you can’t avoid difficult people. So, the best option is to learn how to deal with them. The first step is to make sure you are not a difficult person yourself.

If you’re not currently doing the “7 steps to developing willpower to deal with difficult people”, you need to change your attitude. These pointers will help you identify and eliminate bad attitudes to ensure you are not becoming a difficult person yourself:

Respect people always

Be aware that people, young and old, are entitled to their rights, beliefs, and opinions. Without being vocal about it, don’t consider yourself to be better than others. This will get rid of self-conceit which is the root of disrespect and being inconsiderate. Respect authorities in their jurisdictions, whether in the office, school, malls, public buses, homes, or lands. Be aware that you cannot impose your own standards and you have to adjust to their policies.

Don’t compare yourself with others aloud

You may do so in your mind, but never actually say it. Different people mostly do things differently and you must not feel superior with your methods and style. Likewise, do not compare people with other people verbally. We have tendencies to compare people, but keep it to yourself.

Follow a schedule but don’t be too rigid with it

If you are an employer or supervisor, you will surely have work schedules and deadlines for your employees or subordinates. But don’t be too harsh on the implementation. Remember that we are only humans – even machines and computers fail. People err, get tired or sick, and at times get burned out. They need encouragement. Give them workloads equal to what you pay them. Be kind to them. If you are in business, don’t get too absorbed in hitting goals or quotas. There will always be tomorrow, and tomorrow will yield better results. Learn to let go of things that pressure you. Drop everything and go out for a while. Meditate. Look at your surroundings and enjoy them. Smile at people. There’s more to life than just doing your business or anything else that keeps you stressed out.

Enjoy what you are doing, and make sure those working with you also feel the same way

Work must support life, and not the other way around. When work becomes a burden, life merely supports work, and that will be painful for everyone involved. Then, sooner or later, everyone affected becomes a difficult person. Every job must become an adventure where every turn makes you excited to go further.

Never assume to know everything

Even if you do, always consider what others have to say, even if you’re a boss. Accept the fact that there are always going to be things you are utterly ignorant of, no matter how smart you think you are. If, in a meeting among peers, you are knowledgeable about a topic and they are not, it is safer to wait to be asked for your opinion. It is also good to politely offer your opinion, but do so more on a note of sharing rather than lecturing, unless you are a lecturer in the said meeting.

Never give unsolicited advice

Don’t give pieces of your “good” advice to people who don’t ask for them, more so to people who don’t look like they need them. Unless you are closely related to such people, or you are asked for your advice, keep your suggestions to yourself. You may need them more than anyone else does.

Learn to admit fault and apologize

It’s not important anymore to determine who is right and who is wrong. When you see that you have hurt a person, whether you are on the right or wrong side, admit your fault and apologize. Admitting your fault does not always mean you are wrong. It may mean you said the right thing at the wrong time in the wrong place. And that’s your fault. It’s definitely your fault when you come into a funeral wake and tell the bereaved that the dead man was a crook and a liar (difficult people can do this). You may be right, but your rightness will hurt the feelings of the aggrieved family, and that’s your fault. But it’s different when the truth needs to be revealed in the name of justice. If you have to testify in court that the dead man was a crook and a liar, though it may hurt the relatives of the deceased, you must say so without hesitation.

Love must override rules and regulations

True leaders love their followers and always seek after their welfare. They do not just put things in order. Many administrators and managers merely want order and to see to it that rules and policies are obeyed. This makes many of them difficult people. Rules and policies are good, but they seldom benefit anybody except maybe the ones who made them. Don’t decide on matters in a way that negates the personal choices of other people, like in choosing a lifetime partner, a career, or things to buy. Guide them but never dictate to them.

Don’t be unreasonable

Make sure your instructions and requirements are within the reach and capacity of other people. You may be able to do certain things other people can’t, and you have to consider this. Remember that you yourself also have limited potentials in some areas.

Never humiliate people

Don’t shout at people, or scold them, or curse them, especially in front of other people. It’s normal to be angry at times when there is a valid reason. But be careful not to turn anger into hatred. Anger lasting for more than an hour is a potential hatred. Once hatred sets in, a difficult person is born within you; and you may soon find humiliating a person as a normal, or even delightful, activity.

Nurture a sense of humor

This is very important. It will keep your sanity intact amid the fiercest pressure attacks. Humor keeps your LOT very high, not to mention a healthy heart and lasting youth. It keeps everything light and easy, even in the worst scenario. Always find something funny in whatever is happening. As the old adage goes, laughter is the best medicine. A sense of humor can change people and alter tight situations.

Watch your health and diet

It’s hard to control your anger when you’re sick, especially with hypertension or heart ailments. So eat healthy foods, especially those high in fiber. Avoid too much fatty and salty foods, unhealthy drinks, junk foods, and those high in cholesterol. Take natural food supplements high in micro-nutrients, and exercise regularly. Try to maintain your ideal weight. Your LOT can cope better with pressures if your health doesn’t get in the way. Get enough sleep to get ready for tomorrow’s new pressures.

Developing The Power to Handle Difficult People I

Now that you have a basic knowledge of the different causes and characteristics that govern difficult people, let us now learn how to master and, perhaps even enjoy, such difficulties.

Willpower to Deal

First things first. If you do not want to deal with difficult people, or any difficulty for that matter, then you’re wasting your time reading this book. You will run away all your life. No place on earth is safe from difficult people. You really have no choice but to learn how to face them squarely and effectively.

A run-away once dove into the deepest depths of the ocean floor hoping to evade all difficult, smart alecks on earth and vowed never to return to dry land. He found two underwater tunnels and stopped to decide which one to take. As he went for one, his thoughts told him, “Wrong choice, silly!” Not long after, there beneath the earth, he finally learned to live with the worst difficult person he has ever known – himself.

Here are some practical steps to develop the willpower to deal with difficult people.

1. You must like people

All people take on all sorts of attitudes. Liking people is the first sure step to triumph. Avoiding them, especially the difficult ones, is a sure path to becoming difficult yourself. So the first natural thing to do is to go out and meet people. Very soon, you will meet difficult people. Greet them and genially accept whatever reaction they give you. Don’t be discouraged; but continue to greet more of them regularly until you get used to them, and until your LOT skyrockets to record-breaking heights. They may be rude and cruel, but no one’s ever heard of getting shot or killed by greeting difficult people (except in the movies).

2. Smile

Most touchy people can be neutralized by a friendly smile. So practice putting on a pleasant, simple, friendly smile in front of a mirror. Public speakers and actors study their facial expressions facing a mirror. Political and beauty aspirants take time with a photographer just putting on the best smile that exudes confidence and friendliness. A smile, they say, says it all. Regardless of how your face looks, a smile always (well, at least most of the time) puts on warmth and comeliness. A good smile always arrests the temper, even that of difficult people. So always smile.

3. Be sincere

A smile helps a lot, but sincerity gives your smile credibility. A mere smile is a matter of facial muscle flexing. When this alone is involved, the smile becomes unnatural. Put your heart into it! A sincere heart will automatically show if you live a life of sincerity. Practice sincerity. Always be sincere in all you do daily. When your heart gets used to being sincere, smiling sincerely becomes natural. Difficult people can see right through you, and sincerity melts their hearts.

4. Listen well

Almost all difficult people want to talk much more than they listen. This is the main problem in communication. Difficult people love to talk and want people to listen to them. In a nutshell, that’s what they are. Basically, you cannot put two difficult persons together and have them talk. Difficult people avoid each other once they recognize each other. If they are made to sit down and listen, they can’t stand it. They will either stand up and steal the scene, or just walk out. If you are working for (or with) a difficult person, or worse yet, locked up with him for life, practice becoming a good listener. You must learn the wisdom of enjoying listening. Few have this wisdom. Most people think there is wisdom in monopolizing a conversation. As in business, this only results in unfairness and silent protests. You can make difficult people happy when you just listen to them. Not many can do this. When you are a good listener, even the most difficult people tend to trust you with their secrets. Then you begin to know them as they reveal who they really are. You begin to understand them deeper; thus, you will be able to help them better. As they open up their secrets, understand and love them more.

5. Be agreeable

This does not necessarily mean agreeing to anything difficult people say, but it is more about agreeing not to argue. If you don’t agree with the opinions of difficult people, just listen and send everything to your mental bin. Delete. It’s your right. But never argue. Never mind if they say you are not confrontational. So what? Nobody dies because of that. But arguments often kill. Nations go to war because of arguments. See the wisdom? Remember that every seed of kindness you plant now will surely reap a harvest of favors soon. It happens nearly every time. Valuables are often left to agreeable people, never to aggressive ones. Very few trust contrary people. If you are known for your politeness, even the most difficult folks will give you special favors. Always remember that the most difficult people are strivers. They are workaholics. They feed on pressure to hit their goals. Oftentimes they get promoted to positions that confer favors on “worthy” men. They often rake in more valuables than the average guy.

6. Be honest

Never flatter anyone insincerely, especially difficult people. Insincere flattery always traps its users, and it sure is hell to get trapped with a difficult person. Hence, it always pays to just listen and be agreeable. See? When difficult people ask your opinion or ask if you agree with them, tell them honestly but nicely. If you agree, agree. If you don’t, make sure you stress that it is your opinion, not a statement of fact. Most likely, they will not agree with it and may even try to make you realize how stupid it is. Just listen and be polite. Or, if possible and truthful, quote somebody’s opinion that agrees with yours. If they mock it, at least you save your dignity. Then you can smile more easily. If you insincerely flatter difficult people and they get to like you for it, woe to you! You will find it more difficult, and later, impossible to be free from them.

7. Praise

Take note of their worth and achievements, even if you think differently and have a different idea of success. Appreciate their efforts. Share their triumphs and sad moments. At times, a smile or tap of congratulations or sympathy is enough and speaks volumes. But never overdo it.

Practice the steps above daily until you make it your habit. You will soon possess a healing power that countless people need and crave for – the power that will launch you to untold successes in whatever endeavor you engage in.